My sweet Ryan graduates high school Saturday. And while I am not any more proud or happy for him than I was when his older brother graduated last year, I do have one feeling that is different - relief.
For those who don't know him, Ryan is dyslexic. In fact, he had the trifecta cocktail - - double deficit dyslexia with ADHD. We were very fortunate to find out early, and like most parents, jumped through hoops, yelled and cried during IEP meetings, dragged him and his siblings to speech therapy, tutoring, and occupational therapy in hopes of changing the trajectory of non-reading that he was on.
I was told from people he just didn't try hard enough, homeschooling was causing his reading issues, I needed to practice with him more, or my favorite piece of advice - I just needed to wait and miraculously, when he was about 12, he would pick up, say, War and Peace, and read it independently (which would have REALLY been a miracle since he was already 8 and could barely read Marvin K Mooney, Will You Please Go Now?).
We had a special reading tutor he saw 3x a week. He went to school every summer for 4 years, and went to The Bodine School, a private school for kids with dyslexia for 4th and 5th grade. We paid for everything ourselves, and pretty much broke the bank hoping and praying he would learn to read. I worked part time subbing and tutoring and all the money I made, every tax refund, every bonus, Christmas money - it all went toward this goal of getting him reading. His "college fund" was spent before it every began!
Like all kids with dyslexia, Ryan was very bright. He knew he should be doing better, he knew letters shouldn't jump around, numbers shouldn't reverse, b's and d's were different. He knew the books he could read were babyish and ridiculous for a kid his age. He hated having to go to summer school, extra tutoring, and Bodine when his brothers were homeschooled.
He recently wrote a reflective essay for his college English class (he is dual-enrolled) and I teared up when I read his words…"The inability to do even the simplest math worksheets or read easy words, the long taxing days of school, and the headaches were the worst. I really based my intelligence off of those stupid math worksheets. Now that I look back, it is sad to see myself as that 10 year old boy sitting in the kitchen with empty worksheets thinking he is not good enough or smart enough to complete what he knows is a simple reading or math worksheet.”
HIs recent psycho-educational evaluation shows that he has no significant deficits now. All the time, expense, and suffering of those extra interventions and therapies paid off, and he is as remediated as he can be. He gets to keep all his accommodations in college. They are happy to give him the support he needs to work at his potential, so different from the argument with the public school years earlier. I was so relieved, I just sat in the chair and prayed, "Thank you, Jesus."
Ryan reads a bit slower than average, his choice to be unmedicated and ADHD makes school harder for him, so I am not expecting smooth sailing once he starts college in the fall. But as I sit in church on Saturday during his baccalaureate Mass, I will be happy.
My walk with him is over. But as a tutor and advocate, I still walk with others on their journey. I cry with other moms who are in the middle of it all, and talk to teachers about how they can make it better for their students in the classroom. But it is different, because while I can truly empathize, I am not living it anymore, and there is a lot of peace in that. Thank you, Jesus.
